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Living happily ever after…
There is fair amount of good and bad talk about marriage out there. Most married people advocate that marriage is a beautiful thing, and some researches even confirm that married men are generally healthier than their unmarried counterparts. Depending on the school of thought a person belongs to, it is generally accepted that marriage is a stage in life people evolve into, hopefully by choice and not societal coercions. Because marriage is a choice (either good or bad), the reasons behind the going into marriage should be well thought out by both people involved. Thus, it also follows that the reasons and desire to make a marriage work should be a continuous effort not to be taken lightly.
Note: This is an interactive post where you get to add your contributions to the qualities of a good marriage list. There are obviously more qualities beyond those posted. Please use the comment section to add other qualities that you believe are evident of a good marriage. Examples and illustrations are also welcome.
In a good marriage:
- the couple should love one another.
- each person should be ready and willing to forgive the other.
- the married couple should never be ashamed of each other – which means, any feeling of embarrassment or shame should have been thoroughly dealt with.
- the married couple should not degrade each other, but promote each other.
- the married couple should practice open truth.
- the man should be the head of the home and the woman should be a strong and positive influence in the home.
- the husband should respect his wife, and the wife should defer to her husband.
- each spouse should understand the strengths and weaknesses of the other and learn to tolerate them.
- the couple should be committed to each other and happily resolve differences.
- the man should be the provider and the woman should support him, or vice versa.
- the woman should be the homemaker and the man should support her, or vice versa.
- in a good marriage, the finances are controlled and in order.
- the man should be his wife’s protector, and vice versa as the situation dictates.
- the married couple enjoy fun times and extra curricular activities together outside of the house.
- the spouses realize that sometimes they may need breaks from each other (but not the relationship), and that isn’t necessary a bad thing as long as each respect their marriage commitment.
- the couple express themselves adequately and appropriately.
- the couple share and cultivate each others needs and desires.
- making ill assumptions is not commonplace and conclusions should have a firm basis.
- the job and/or career is important, but not as important as the marriage.
- no spouse is over-imposing, but each one is fair and just to the other.
- each spouse believes strongly in their marriage and both guard it jealously.
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9 Responses to “21 Qualities Of A Good Marriage”
By Kaila on Aug 20, 2008 | Reply
In addition to point #13, Protection from extended family is sometimes necessary and also important, especially when there’s existing tension between a spouse and in-laws..
And from a more spiritual angle, prayer is also an important addition to marriage practices. “A family that prays together stays together”!
By The Gem on Aug 21, 2008 | Reply
expanding on #9 – commitment should be to the marriage itself & making it work. Marriage vows of standing by each other no matter what should be taken seriously and not just recited.
If a couple is determined to work through any hardship, things ought to work out right in the end
p.s: also agree with Kaila’s comment
Protection from extended family is a must!
Couples should also keep their problems to themselves, because pouring your heart out to family members compounds the situation – They are never as willing to forgive as you are.
By O.A. Wisen on Aug 25, 2008 | Reply
Thanks Kaila and “The Gem”. These are great comments. I have observed over time that sometimes when asking people for advice, they are quick to provide advice that doesn’t lean in favor of forgiveness and understanding. It makes sense because they are not emotionally connected to the situation the way that you are and cannot accurately weigh it from your perspective.
If a spouse listens to such people without properly weighing all the variables, the end result may be a damaged marriage. These so-called advisers end up going back to their respective homes and stay married to their spouses, even though they also deal with similar or other issues in their own marriage (which may be worse).
If a spouse has to discuss with anyone, it is best to go to someone that is trusted implicitly and has a track record of promoting positive and amicable resolutions. Better yet, they should help put the situation in perspective without actually stating absolutes.
If we ever find ourselves in the position of an adviser, it is wise to know that we should always let people come to their own conclusion themselves. Hopefully as a “trusted adviser” the intent is not to be a home wrecker. Most people don’t go out to seek help to arrive at destructive conclusions (they can accomplish that task themselves). Rather people usually ask others for help when they want constructive answers and actually want a positive outcome. Constructive advice does not destroy, it builds/mends.
By Jae on Feb 18, 2009 | Reply
These are all ideal..but can it be ever that way? Times have definitely changed and some of these are thrown out the dooor.
By O.A. Wisen on Feb 19, 2009 | Reply
Yes, times have changed, but some also say that the more things change, the more they say the same. Thrown out the door by whom – by you or by some others? Are you willing to let others dictate that on your behalf? Only you can know the answer.
I believe marriage can be the way described, primarily because there are tons (though a minority) of others that think so too and actually live it.
Like everything else in life, it’s what you choose to make of it, and the efforts you are willing to put in that achieve spectacular results. People expect their marriages to be great by default, but it’s more successful as a joint effort, and by fierce determination to obtain what you want without settling for mediocre.
A little more effort gets one to places they may have never reached if they didn’t push themselves. That’s the nature of unrelenting effort. Obviously, no marriage is perfect, but a lot more than what people think is attainable actually is.
By Ras Liberty on Jul 10, 2009 | Reply
Marriage requires a chunk of intelligence to make it succeed. It also depends on the expectations of the spouses when entering the marriage. My advice to spouses is not to expect too much and be committed to making their marriage work rather than comparing it to others.
By Ras Liberty on Jul 10, 2009 | Reply
It is also not bad at all to share sexual fantasies together and if possible act them out. It must however be noted that emotional implications could accompany this act and both partners should be fully aware of what they are getting into so as to be able to deal with any guilt that would arise after the act.
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