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A couple of posts ago, I wrote on some of the qualities of a good marriage. After responses online and especially offline, I decided to follow up that post with a couple of others, one of which is So You Want To Be A Good Husband? This will be followed shortly with one from the wife’s perspective, so hold tight and come back soon. If you really want to be a good husband, or want to see how you or someone you know compare to some of the salient points discussed, then this is for you. Feel free to invite those you think may benefit from this article (or site).
Why a person should bother being a good husband is a good question. A speaker I’ve listened to on many occasions has stated multiple times that, if a man is already married, and hopefully doesn’t plan on divorcing his wife, then he might as well strive to be a good husband because home is where he can rest, relax, and unwind. The home should be where he can find love, peace and joy. If those are nonexistent, he is in for a nightmare because that is his base. He may try to find other temporary home ground (bars, lounges, workplaces, etc) but at the end of the day, those aren’t ideal substitutes to a home. If he wants to keep his family and home, and wants to enjoy the things listed above, why not be a good husband at home, and get the positive results? It’s Win-Win.
Discernment
A good husband has to be successful at interpreting situation as they occur around the home. Men tend to read into or evaluate relationship issues exactly as they appear, without taking time to delve in to see if there are any underlying causes or reasons for those actions or reactions from their spouses - no matter how innocent or inconsequential they may appear. Ability to immediately nip potential issues in the bud would save from trouble later on.
He allows her to have her freedom and trusts her judgment; he is never over-imposing. If there are reasons to doubt those, then he should probably never have married her in the first place. He should always be at home and never travel too far, or for too long. If as a husband he is always away from home, how can he be knowledgeable about the events of the home, mitigate and solve issues as they arise?
Appreciation
A good husband learns to appreciate little and big things that his wife does to continually secure or obtain his affection, and makes sure they do not go unacknowledged. Interestingly enough, the more he appreciates her, the more her value and significance increases to him, which in turn makes it easier to appreciate her some more.
Protection
A good husband protects his wife from all harm. This includes physical and emotional. He should put her safety before his, and should ensure his safety too. Ensuring his safety is important because anything that happens to him directly affects her. So, whatever unnecessary urges he has for excessive bravado and daredevil activities need not be entertained.
Sacrifice
A good husband should be ready, and show that he is willing to sacrifice (little or greatly) for the good of his relationship with his wife and/or family. This sacrifice means giving up something for another in hopes that the gains are much more in comparison to what was sacrificed. This means that he should be knowledgeable about the intrinsic and potential values of what needs to be given up, and what could be gained. For example, as a married man, he is already joined to his wife, and even if he may sometimes yearn for his “long-lost freedom”, he should never actively seek independence but understand it to be one of his sacrifices.
Love
A good husband loves and supports his wife. He is never jealous of her even if she is more ambitious and successful. He always strives to position himself in a place where his wife continually desires him, and he is readily available when she craves for him. His wife should always know that she can find peace of mind (and all it entails) around him.
He loves and takes care of her children (and his) . Women have a strong bond with their children. It is often said that the bond between and mother and a child, is greater than the bond between the father and the child. Bringing up a child is hard work. A wife would definitely appreciate it if the husband doesn’t leave all the hard work to her. Typically, if he shows that he loves and cherish what she loves and cherishes, then his relevance to her increases.
If for whatever reason a husband despises his wife, he should try to change that mindset before it engulfs him and totally corrupts him. Issues can never be positively healed through hate, but through love. The husband should never intentionally deny his wife of conjugal privileges unless it has been discussed beforehand, and the reasons have laid out for amicable resolution.
Character
A good husband always promotes openness with his wife, but never takes shared secrets outside of the family, or exposes her faults or inadequacies publicly.
He should always strive to be guiltless, wise, committed to his one wife, sober, selfless, sociable, have self-control, be teachable and a good teacher, control his children, and run his house well. He cannot be prideful, prone to excessive anger, or violent towards anyone in his family. He should never put his wife (or children) in a position where they would not think highly of him.
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Finally, a good husband inscribes his marriage covenant in his heart, and revisits them as often as he can. I reckon that there are some who never go back to refresh their mind of the promises they made to their wives, and thus, forget what their stated obligations demanded.
If you have positive contributions, please feel free to leave a comment, and share your perspectives with others.
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